Disconnected

………………hello……….hello…………………

That’s how it feels right now. Like I’m making the call to my brain and body but I am not getting an answer back. It’s hard to explain exactly what is it I’m feeling. So much good is going on yet I can’t make the connection. Just last month I can name 5 great things that happened that I should be in such a good place now.

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My Fiancé and I went through a rough patch drama bullshit people but we made it through and have been reconnecting and getting back to the basics. He works out of state so we have been almost dating again weekends away he stays here I go there it’s kind of neat. We went to Cedar Point and went on The Great Guernsey Trail for a bike ride. Those were two great weekends. School has been great, never thought I would do so well, feels so good be out there working on my career finally.
Therapy has been so great helping me work through a ton of things with my anxiety. I just can’t say enough how great therapy is for me!!
I am so excited about my iguana Shaggy also. He is now free to roam the house. This is a big deal since he is small and can be anywhere at anytime. But he is getting use to us and much calmer than when we first got him.
But the Big News is that my best childhood friend Hannah asked me to be the photographer at her wedding this November! I love photography 🙂 She is such a good friend to think of me and want me to capture her finest and greatest moment her wedding day means the world to me.

So considering all that I should be in like super awesome happy mode! And I am deep down, yes happy, but it doesn’t make it to my face or my actions. I have brief moments of bliss thinking how great things are now and how far I’ve come in a year but it doesn’t stick. As for the reason I feel disconnected. It’s hard to find the words when you can’t make the connections on feelings or what is going on. Even this post seems disconnected. Not sure I want to post it but I have like 10 drafts of others post I didn’t and I think I really should post this. Let you get an idea of the reason I’m not posting often. It’s hard and I don’t know why exactly. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself about everything being so good. Too many questions and now I’m rambling. Welcome to my World!!

So I invite you to ask me anything or let me know what you think. I know I’m not the only person out there feeling disconnected if not now maybe a time in your past. Time to make a connection even if online cause my social life stinks is awesome!

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It’s been too long

I have writers block!
When I say that it just means so much is going on in my head I can’t form words to express them. Only time I can get anything out correctly is in my therapy I’ve been in since end of April right after I was told and diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

I love therapy!

It isn’t therapy like I thought where I sit an do a ton of talking. It’s more to help manage my life therapy. Set goals and help manage anxiety’s in my life. Since I understand that anxiety doesn’t just go away like the a stomach flu or a headache. But going through all this is really hard on me. I am an open book I like to think but it’s all surface stuff. Now I have to deal with things I’ve always brushed off. Small things trigger my anxiety quickly and that’s hard to manage without going bonkers! I just keep saying “Anxiety just needs to go away anytime now!” But the truth is I’ve always had it just ignored it for the most part. Until it knocked down my door and now I have to deal with it. I hate talking about how I really feel and hate even more having people question me and my feelings. So again I will say I love therapy cause she doesn’t question me!! I’m sure she does but she is an expert and has a real good way to ask me. And it helps knowing she isn’t judging me and isn’t going to turn and blab to her girls friends or the bartender about my life. I must say that’s the biggest reason I love therapy, the no judgment! Everyone judges, don’t even think you don’t liar, cause you do! It may not be huge and absurd judgments but you do it, we all do it.

So if you find security and hope in life by talking to a complete stranger about your life I say go for it. Doesn’t mean your weak or can’t handle life just means to me that you don’t need anyone else’s opinion and just someone to listen. And if you get some feedback or direction BONUS!

So I think I’ve rambled on enough about my personal therapy situation to end this post in saying I miss my blog ramblings and hope soon I’ll be back in the swing of it and have even more to offer my lovely followers.

I may not always blog cause I feel blogs deserve many words, but I have my Twitter, which I am constant on, small thoughts and ideas are easier to manage 🙂 So come see me there maybe let me know what you’d like to hear more of about my journey through life, anxiety, therapy, or anything else I’ve written about.

Always thankful to you for stopping by and hope I’ve inspired you!

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Jeyna Grace ©

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