Disconnected

………………hello……….hello…………………

That’s how it feels right now. Like I’m making the call to my brain and body but I am not getting an answer back. It’s hard to explain exactly what is it I’m feeling. So much good is going on yet I can’t make the connection. Just last month I can name 5 great things that happened that I should be in such a good place now.

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My Fianc√© and I went through a rough patch drama bullshit people but we made it through and have been reconnecting and getting back to the basics. He works out of state so we have been almost dating again weekends away he stays here I go there it’s kind of neat. We went to Cedar Point and went on The Great Guernsey Trail for a bike ride. Those were two great weekends. School has been great, never thought I would do so well, feels so good be out there working on my career finally.
Therapy has been so great helping me work through a ton of things with my anxiety. I just can’t say enough how great therapy is for me!!
I am so excited about my iguana Shaggy also. He is now free to roam the house. This is a big deal since he is small and can be anywhere at anytime. But he is getting use to us and much calmer than when we first got him.
But the Big News is that my best childhood friend Hannah asked me to be the photographer at her wedding this November! I love photography ūüôā She is such a good friend to think of me and want me to capture her finest and greatest moment her wedding day means the world to me.

So considering all that I should be in like super awesome happy mode! And I am deep down, yes happy, but it doesn’t make it to my face or my actions. I have brief moments of bliss thinking how great things are now and how far I’ve come in a year but it doesn’t stick. As for the reason I feel disconnected. It’s hard to find the words when you can’t make the connections on feelings or what is going on. Even this post seems disconnected. Not sure I want to post it but I have like 10 drafts of others post I didn’t and I think I really should post this. Let you get an idea of the reason I’m not posting often. It’s hard and I don’t know why exactly. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself about everything being so good. Too many questions and now I’m rambling. Welcome to my World!!

So I invite you to ask me anything or let me know what you think. I know I’m not the only person out there feeling disconnected if not now maybe a time in your past. Time to make a connection even if online cause my social life stinks is awesome!

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UGH, WTF, SERIOUSLY, REALLY?!?!

I have a confession to make…

You probably can’t tell from my posts but I am a VERY negative person. You always see the little cartoons of the angel and devil on the shoulders, well mine are BIG POSITIVE & NEGATIVE cartoon faces on my shoulders and for whatever reason the negative gets my attention first every time and I find it really hard to ignore it!! I can make the a warm 75 degree sunshine light breeze picnic in the park with a rainbow, ponies and cake and find something negative about it. I always do!!

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So my girl Megan, that I have talked about in earlier posts, has told me to make it a daily thing to make a Daily Positive Blog Post. Cause she is sick and tired of my constant negativity and I think she would like to shake the crap out of me most days. Which give her props for sticking by my moody, negative, selfish butt all this time!

 

SO POSITIVE¬†THOUGHTS…. This is really hard without being shallow like “Oh I am healthy, I got money and roof over my head” Thanksgiving around the table ramblings. ¬†I need real positive thinking OPEN MY BIG HAZEL EYES and see what this life has given me!!

DAY 1

What the heck I am¬†going¬†to be shallow, even though while “researching” aka searching Google for happy and mad faces, I saw a post with a 30 day challenge and it said your not shallow if you say that you love your eyes. So I will start this day off with a quick simple positive thought.

I LOVE MY EYES!

What I love about my eyes is that they are hazel/green, my favorite color, super boring right? NOPE, cause they change colors, well shades to be more on point. With my moods they can become more bright green or blue almost. Kind of neat when I notice it which isn’t often that I pay that much attention to myself let alone someone else paying that much attention to me. But still pretty neat. They are healthy as far as I can see, I made a funny, cause I have excellent vision. Yay no glasses for me…yet? Minus the headaches/migraines I get that put my left eye out of order sometimes, it is pretty nice to be able to see everything.

HERE COMES THE MUSHY PART

I get to see my wonderful, beautiful, magical and lovely daughters faces through these eyes.
I get to smell the fresh spring grass and run my fingers through it knowing it is the bright shade of green cause I am not color blind.
I get to make funny faces and flirt with my fiance’ with these sometimes naughty eyes. ūüėČ
I could go on but I am¬†going¬†to spare you cause lets face it, ¬†I’m missing my negativity already. Time to go water my plants that all are dying I swear cause it is never sunny out so they can’t grow!!

“The eyes are the window of the soul.” -English Proverb

Jeyna Grace ©

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